Never miss a good chance to shut up. – Will Rogers
Whether in the work world of leadership, collaboration and teamwork, or in our personal lives (24/7 news, social media, and family life), effective communication is both key to our success and bane of our existence.
Electronic media sources yap at us all day, bringing news and information of both a critical and often irrelevant nature.
Email has become an essential tool but incessant demands for immediate response clogs our brains and keeps us from considered and thoughtful communication and connection.
Conversation, even with loved ones, is often trite or clipped because we don’t have “enough time.”
It’s a choice, however, to become overwhelmed, desensitized or checked out in our communication.
If you want to have more meaningful and productive relationships at work or at home, try this:
1) Go on an electronic fast. Set aside time in your day and week, other than sleeping, to disconnect from electronic sources. Setting aside at least 30 minutes a day off your email, phone, etc. at work to think and prioritize can be a balm in a stressed out work day. At home, create and honor boundaries around email, phone and social media use. Whatever it is will likely be there tomorrow.
2) Instead of speaking first, wait. Pause for a minute. Use the letters in the word “WAIT” to serve as a reminder to ask yourself: Why Am I Talking?
Invite the other person – your co-worker, your spouse, your child – to speak first by asking an open ended question (that is, can’t be answered by a yes or no).
3) Be present and actually listen to the person you are with. You give people a tremendous gift when you listen fully, without interruption from phones, email, texts, music, or other distractions, including your own mind-chatter and opinions. As Woody Allen said, 90% of life is about showing up. Show up fully for your conversations.
4) Respond with intention. What is it that really deserves and needs to be said? What serves this person, or this situation, in this moment? What doesn’t need to be said, right now or possibly ever?
In the Comments below, let me hear from you!
What helps you connect meaningfully with others around you, either at work or at home?
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Before specializing as a professional coach in 2004, I spent more than a decade in leadership, management and program development for state and local government and non-profit organizations. Now I get to help leaders and teams have more clarity and ability to stand up for what's important in their work and in their organizations. Working with me, leaders and teams find more meaning and purpose, feel happier and more confident, navigate change and conflict, and work together better.
Yes! All of these are so important. I’ve been focusing more on this particular list recently, and especially on the electronic fast, which is a wonderful thing – both during the work day to set aside time that doesn’t involve phone, email, Facebook, and at night and on weekends. Laying off email and/or social media for part or all of the weekend has helped me reclaim some time that is actually me-time. I’m definitely going to try the WAIT tool – in staff meetings and elsewhere.
Thanks, as always, Hanna!
Abby, thanks for your comment and glad this post reflects your experience too! I find that bringing some rigor and structure around use of electronic media can really help both at work and at home (e.g., only 30 minutes of email at beginning & end of day). It can take a while to adjust to, as well as to train other people’s expectations of immediate response, but the benefits can be great. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!
I love that quote “never miss a good chance to shut up”. That should be my motto. I’m with you on the social media fast thing…as much as possible I try to not check my phone between the time my kids come home from school until the next morning. It takes discipline to make communication tools serve you instead of the other way around.
Thanks so much for the reminders! I think we all NEED an electronic fast every once in a while (if not daily).
A very timely and helpful post, Hanna. Reducing exposure to electronics and remembering to WAIT are excellent suggestions.
Great point, Natasha – it *is* a discipline, isn’t it! Funny how these “tools” can start running us if we’re not careful. Thanks for your insights!
So true, Deirdre – I’ve read that our brains register electronic screens like a mini-version of the sun, so it’s truly even more than our mental and emotional health that’s at stake. Thanks for the comment!
Glad it was useful to you, Libby! I’m glad to see you here! : )
LOVE the electronic fast idea. So needed and such a worthwhile use of time. I was on a webinar today and I actually picked up my phone to see if I had any emails coming in. Why did I do that?! Silly! Being present for one another is truly great communication.
Denise, your comments always bring a smile to my face – so true that being present is one of the greatest gifts we can give! Thanks for stopping by & commenting!
Thanks Hanna for the tips on improving communication. They are relevant to all situations and relationship, whether professional, personal, or social. I especially like #1. With technological advances springing up almost daily, it seems, younger generations are getting into the electronic action and no one is just talking to one another anymore. Thank you again and keep the advice coming!
Hey Cathy, thanks for your comment, and glad if it resonated for you, especially the electronic fast! Communication is a skill we all need to keep practicing, for sure. Thanks for stopping by – I hope you’ll be back again!